Cut to Beethoven's living room. A model mynah bird is opening and shutting its beak. Beethoven is sitting at the piano.
Beethoven You don't fool me, you stupid mynah bird. I'm not deaf yet.
Mynah Just you wait... ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! (Beethoven pulls a revolver and shoots the bird which falls to the ground) Oh! Bugger...
Beethoven Shut up!
Mynah Right in the wing.
Beethoven Shut your beak. Gott in Himmel... I never get any peace here.
He plays the first few notes of the fifth symphony, trying vainly to get the last note. Mrs Beethoven enters.
Mrs Beethoven Ludwig!
Beethoven What?
Mrs Beethoven Have you seen the sugar bowl?
Beethoven No, I haven't seen the bloody sugar bowl.
Mrs Beethoven You know ... the sugar bowl.
Beethoven Sod the sugar bowl... I'm trying to finish this stinking tune! It's driving me spare ... so shut up! (she leaves; he goes into opening bars of 'Washington Post March ) No, no, no, no, no.
Mrs Beethoven comes back in.
Mrs Beethoven Ludwig, have you seen the jam spoon?
Beethoven Stuff the jam spoon!
Mrs Beethoven It was in the sugar bowl.
Beethoven Look, get out you old rat-bag. Buzz off and shut up.
Mrs Beethoven I don't know what you see in that piano. (she goes)
Beethoven Leave me alone!! ... (gets the first eight notes right at last) ... Ha! ha! ha! I've done it, I've done it!
Mrs Beethoven comes in again.
Mrs Beethoven Do you want peanut butter or sandwich spread for your tea?
Beethoven What!!!!
Mrs Beethoven PEANUT BUTTER...
Beethoven I've forgotten it. (plays a few wrong notes) I had it! I had it!
Mrs Beethoven Do you want peanut butter or sandwich spread?
Beethoven I don't care!!
Mrs Beethoven Ooooh! I don't know. (she goes out)
Beethoven I had it. I had it you old bag. (at the same moment as he gets it right again, the door flies open and Mrs Beethoven charges in with a very load vacuum) Mein lieber Gott. What are you doing? (a terrible clanking and banging comes from the wall) What's that! What's that!
Mrs Beethoven (still vacuuming loudly) It's the plumber!
A jarring ring of the doorbell adds to the din.
Beethoven Gott in Himmel, I'm going out.
