Английский юмор

The British sense of humor, which can a bit sarcastic, almost got me into trouble after one guitar audition. The player was a little bit serious and as he was leaving he said "OK, man, See ya. Peace and love." And i said "Yeah, war and hate." His face dropped - it was like i was the devil. I had to run after him saying, "It's a joke!" He vorgave me, i think.

Paul McCartney. Wingspan

20 шуток от британских комиков. Я привожу удачные, на мой взгляд. Попробуйте перевести сами, если понадобится помощь, спрашивайте.

8. “My wedding was like a fairy tale. It wasn’t magical; it’s just that I’ve got an ugly sister.”
Ellie Taylor, at the Edinburgh Fringe 2015

9. “I got a package in the post last week, and on it it said, ‘Please don’t bend.’ So how was I supposed to pick it up?”
Lee Mack, from Hit the Road Mack (DVD)

10. “A cement mixer has ¬collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to look out for 16 hardened criminals.”
Ronnie Corbett, from The Two Ronnies: The Complete Collection(DVD)

11. “When my wife and I argue, we’re like a band in concert: we start with some new stuff, and then we roll out our greatest hits.”
Frank Skinner, at the Edinburgh Fringe 2014

12. “I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.”
Nick Helm, at the Edinburgh Fringe 2011

13. “My husband can do the work of two men. Unfortunately those men are Laurel and Hardy.”
Jo Brand, during a live stand-up show

14. “Act your age, not your shoe size ... that means something different on the Continent.”
Richard Herring, at the Edinburgh Fringe 2006

15. “I'm sure wherever my dad is, he's looking down on us. He's not dead. Just very condescending.”
Jack Whitehall, at the Royal Variety Performance 2010

18. “I bought my mum a Kindle because she likes reading so much. She still licks her fingers when she changes the page.”
Lee Evans, Monsters Live (DVD)

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/good-news/seven-seas/20-best-jokes-british-comedians/

2еж ушастый:

:) :) :)

Очень понравилось, thank you.))

Особенно про новый материал и великие хиты ))))... так всё и есть, очень точно подмечено.. тоже так с мужем "выступаем на сцене".. )))
8 персонажей вместо знаков - тоже хорошо. Да все замечательные. :)

Да, про семейные баталии подмечено едко. А мне еще особенно понравилась Act your age... и про бетономешалку и тюремный фургон. Вам спасибо за интерес к теме!

2еж ушастый:

Спасибо. Предпочитаю британский юмор всем остальным. Из выложенного Вами больше всего понравилось про бетономешалку, а из остального в источнике - про воздушного змея и про жир.

Great Comedy Quotes and Catchphrases

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p008tt15

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p00fzq3k

Видео отрывки из популярных британских комических ТВ сериалов. Общая страница здесь:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p008rjxc

Дилан Моран, ирландский комедийный актер, писатель, сценарист и проч. на СТС.

Дилан Моран о стиле британском и американском. Вступление - немного об Австралии, основной текст с 01:00

2еж ушастый:

>Видео отрывки из популярных британских комических
>ТВ сериалов. Общая страница здесь:
>https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p008rjxc

Hilarious. Thank you.

I want to be a pirate
A pirate's life for me
All my friends are pirates
And sail the B.B.C
I've got a Jolly Roger

It's black and white and vast
Get out of your Skull and Crossbones
And I'll run it up your mast

With a yo-ho-ho
And a ya-ha-ha
And a ye-hee-hee-ho-hum
With a yo-ho-ho
And a ya-ha-ha
And a yum-yum-jum-jum

Из ТВ сериала Fawlty Towers, по-моему он до сих пор лидирует в списке самых любимых англичанами сериалов. Владелец гостиницы Бэзил Фолти обслуживает немецких гостей, еще не оправившись от сотрясения мозга и, искренне желая избежать темы войны, тем не менее заканчивает полной катастрофой.

Polly, are these Germans, too? Oh, yes, but I can deal with it. Right, right. Here's the plan: I'll stand there and ask them if they want something to drink before the war. Before their lunch! Before their lunch. Don't mention the war. Ja, ja.
- Can we help you?
- Oh, you speak English?
Of course.
Ah, wonderful! Wunderbar! Ah.
Please allow me to introduce myself. I am the owner of Fawlty Towers, and may I welcome your war you war you all, you all, and hope that your stay will be a happy one. Now, would you like to eat first or would you like a drink before the war? ning that trespassers will be tied up with piano wire. Sorry, sorry, trouble with the old leg. Got a touch of shrapnel in the war. Korean! Korean war! Sorry, Korean.
Thank you. We will eat now.
Oh, good, please, do allow me. May I say how pleased we are to have some Europeans here now that we are on the continent? Can I speak to Dr. Fin, please? Didn't vote for it myself quite honestly, but now that we're in, I'm determined to make it work, so I'd like to welcome you all to Britain.
The plaice is grilled, but that doesn't matter, there's life in the old thing yet wait a moment, got a bit confused there, oh, yes, the plaice is grilled the whole room's warm, isn't it? I'll open a window, have a look and the veal chop is done with rosemary that's funny, I thought she'd gone to Canada and is delicious and nutritious, in fact, it's veally good.
Veally good, ha ha!
The veal is good?
Yes, doesn't matter, never mind.
May we have two eggs mayonnaises, please?
Certainly. Why not? Why not, indeed? We are all friends now, eh?
A prawn cocktail.
All in the market together, all differences forgotten, and no need at all to mention the war. Sorry, sorry, sorry, what was it again? A prawn cocktail.
Prawn, that was it.
When you said prawn, I thought you said war. Oh, the war, oh, yes, completely slipped my mind, yes, I'd forgotten all about it. Hitler, Himmler and all that lot, yes, completely forgotten it, just like that.
Sorry, what was it again?
A prawn cocktail!
Oh, yes, Eva Prawn, yes, and Goebbels too, another one I can hardly remember.
And a pickled herring.
Hermann Goering, yes, yes.
And Von Ribbentrop, that was another one.
And four cold meat salads, please.
Certainly, I'll just get your hors d'oeuvres, hors d'oeuvres which must be obeyed at all times without question.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Mr. Fawlty, would you please call your wife immediately? Sybil! Sybil She's in the hospital, you silly girl.
Yes, call her there.
I can't, I've got too much to do.
Listen, don't mention the war. I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it all right.
So, it's all forgotten now and let's hear no more about it. So, two eggs mayonnaise, a prawn goebbels, a herman goering, and four colditz salads. Wait a moment, I got a bit confused here.
I got a bit confused 'cause everyone's mentioning the war.
So, could you what's the matter? It's all right.
Is there something wrong?
Will you stop talking about the war?
Me?
You started it! We did not start it.
Yes, you did, you invaded Poland.
Here, blow, here, this'll cheer you up.
You'll like this one: There's this woman, she's completely stupid, she'd never remember anything, and her husband's in a bomber over Berlin, she'll love this one, she'll laugh - Leave her alone.
- No, this is a scream.
I have never seen anyone not laugh at this.
Go away! Look, she'll love it, she's German.
No, Mr. Fawlty! - What? - Do Jimmy Cagney instead.
- What?
- Jimmy Cagney.
Jimmy Cagney? You know, "You dirty rat."
I can't do Jimmy Cagney.
Please try, "I'm going to get you."
Shut up. Here, watch. Who's this then? I'll do the funny walk.
- Stop it!
- What?
Stop it!
I'm trying to cheer her up, you stupid Kraut! It's not funny for her! Not funny? Not funny? You're joking! Not for her, not for us, not for any German people.
You have absolutely no sense of humour, do you? This is not funny! Who won the bloody war anyway? Mr. Fawlty, you'll be all right, come with me.
Fine. Oh, he hit me on the head! No, you hit him on the head.
You naughty moose! However did they win?

Вы никогда не дойдете до места назначения, если будете швырять камни в каждую лающую собаку.

Не желайте здоровья и богатства, а желайте удачи, ибо на 'Титанике' все были богаты и здоровы, а удачливыми оказались единицы!

Поддеть красивую женщину — дело не из простых, ведь она от ваших слов не подурнеет.

Врождённый порок капитализма – неравное распределение благ; врождённое достоинство социализма — равное распределение нищеты.

Дело не в том, что жить с деньгами очень уж хорошо, а в том, что жить без них очень уж плохо.

Успех — это умение двигаться от одной неудачи к другой, не теряя энтузиазма.

Я думал, что умру от старости. Но когда Россия, кормившая всю Европу хлебом, стала закупать зерно, я понял, что умру от смеха.

Когда орлы молчат, болтают попугаи.

Хотите, чтобы в споре ваше слово было последним? Скажите оппоненту «Пожалуй, Вы правы»

Бог создал женщин без чувства юмора, чтобы они любили мужчин, а не смеялись над ними.

С тех пор, как утвердилась демократия, у нас одна война сменяется другой.

Я всегда готов учиться, но мне не всегда нравится, когда учат меня.

Нужно ублажать свое тело, чтобы душе не надоело в нем жить.


Уинстон Черчилль

2еж ушастый:

А хорошо спел))) .. " Моя лилипуточка, приди ко мне.." вспомнилась.🙂